mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
