The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
