I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
