Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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