Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
