i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
