If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
