Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
