i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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