is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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