That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
