why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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