My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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