This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
