Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
