p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
