Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
