Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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