I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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