I wish I could teleport
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
