i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
