My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
