chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
