Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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