You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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