Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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