absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
