It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
