This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
