Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
