I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
