Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
