I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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