It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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