i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
