mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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