Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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