Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
