I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Houston, we have a blender
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
