Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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