"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
