Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
