Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
