tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
