if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
