who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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