Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
