oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
