Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
