Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
