At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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