well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
