Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
