hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
