dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
