probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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