Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
