I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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