I hate your face
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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