I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
