I feel great
I just peed on a car
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
