she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
