first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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