3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
