I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
