I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
