youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
