I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
