I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
