I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
