I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
