Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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