i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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