thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
